One Day at a Time
Reflecting on my past hasn't exactly been a thriller or anything.
But sitting here, listening to an old ripped CD brings me back to high school, which seems like a lifetime ago.
It's amazing how one can change within a year. No one is constant. Sure, people can be stable. But stability differs greatly from constance.
I remember the first 'love' I had. We met through one of my friends in junior high, and I knew from our very first phone call with each other, that I had found someone to return my floaty feelings. Of course, junior high is hormonally succinct with having 15 crushes on random boys in the school, however having attention from the opposite sex was just as prized as wearing a bra (which could also be a factor in gaining attention from boys).
Anyway, I dressed like a total tomboy, so it's not like I attracted many boys. Except this one. He was shorter than I was, but he had the dark hair and dark eyes and musical talent that I craved. Our personalities fit because we were both ready and willing to compromise for one another, and there was always puppy-love chemistry...something that never repeated itself in the same way through my other boyfriends.
Kissing on the cheek was as far as we got, but we both realised that we were too young to do much else. Holding hands was a milestone. Our feelings stirred as we progressed.
But six months later I came to the conclusion that I couldn't have a boyfriend. I was 12 years old. I thought that my mom would be angry, for I was afraid of her. But nevertheless I suppose the underlying reason for our parting was me desiring change. I didn't realise that until just this moment. It amazes me how slack our internal understanding can be sometimes.
I'm sure all our youthful experiences (wait, I'm going through those now) all culminate to equal our life, or at least equal to becoming most of who we are, but at least there's always the present and always to future to create something better. That's where learning from our mistakes comes in.
Not that the boy and I were a mistake. On the contrary, I'm sure we both learned a great deal. Although I miss the naivity of that relationship. The innocence. The true sense of appreciation that came with being in contact with someone 20 km's away. I will always remember him and our friendship - because that's all it really was. A friendship. I miss it, actually.
I have this affiliation thing with certain songs and times of my life. With him, there's nothing bitter about remembering the song "Hanging By a Moment" by Lifehouse. It brings back all these memories that I've just disclosed and is resounding with the sweet nostalgia of 12-year-old life.
But sitting here, listening to an old ripped CD brings me back to high school, which seems like a lifetime ago.
It's amazing how one can change within a year. No one is constant. Sure, people can be stable. But stability differs greatly from constance.
I remember the first 'love' I had. We met through one of my friends in junior high, and I knew from our very first phone call with each other, that I had found someone to return my floaty feelings. Of course, junior high is hormonally succinct with having 15 crushes on random boys in the school, however having attention from the opposite sex was just as prized as wearing a bra (which could also be a factor in gaining attention from boys).
Anyway, I dressed like a total tomboy, so it's not like I attracted many boys. Except this one. He was shorter than I was, but he had the dark hair and dark eyes and musical talent that I craved. Our personalities fit because we were both ready and willing to compromise for one another, and there was always puppy-love chemistry...something that never repeated itself in the same way through my other boyfriends.
Kissing on the cheek was as far as we got, but we both realised that we were too young to do much else. Holding hands was a milestone. Our feelings stirred as we progressed.
But six months later I came to the conclusion that I couldn't have a boyfriend. I was 12 years old. I thought that my mom would be angry, for I was afraid of her. But nevertheless I suppose the underlying reason for our parting was me desiring change. I didn't realise that until just this moment. It amazes me how slack our internal understanding can be sometimes.
I'm sure all our youthful experiences (wait, I'm going through those now) all culminate to equal our life, or at least equal to becoming most of who we are, but at least there's always the present and always to future to create something better. That's where learning from our mistakes comes in.
Not that the boy and I were a mistake. On the contrary, I'm sure we both learned a great deal. Although I miss the naivity of that relationship. The innocence. The true sense of appreciation that came with being in contact with someone 20 km's away. I will always remember him and our friendship - because that's all it really was. A friendship. I miss it, actually.
I have this affiliation thing with certain songs and times of my life. With him, there's nothing bitter about remembering the song "Hanging By a Moment" by Lifehouse. It brings back all these memories that I've just disclosed and is resounding with the sweet nostalgia of 12-year-old life.
posted by Oktober11 at 7:51 PM
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